The Time is Coming to Break Up America

It's Time To Break Up America

With all this talk and rumours of One World Government and supra-national organisations you would think that the nation state is coming to an end.

In North America economists and financial dealers speak of this new currency of the 'Amero' which is now in use electronically.

This apparently will replace the dollar and integrate the USA, Canada and Mexico into one monetary region.

Perhaps in the future a political union will emerge with open borders.

Surely this is the wrong way to go. In fact I believe the time has come for the break-up of the USA instead of adding to it. It's way too big and I think it would be healthier and also much more fun if it was split into bits.

Therefore I propose the current nation of 50 states known as the USA be broken up into 5 different countries. Preferably by the end of next week or sooner, whichever is the most practicable.

Of course that's if it's OK with David Rockefeller and his friends at the worldwide Illuminati. They may object but I'm sure I could talk them around to the idea. They appreciate big thinking and progressive ideas on a grand scale. America is far too big and too powerful since the break up of the Soviet Union.

You see! The Russkies started it 20 years ago.

What about China you may say? Well! That's a fair point but there's over a billion of them which is way out of my league. So if you fancy chancing your luck then have a go. I will back you all the way from way back here I will.

But it's true we need less Superpowers in the world and right now the USA is the best candidate for dis-empowerment like Samson without the heavy metal hairdo or Superman dumped head-first into kryptonite. The USA has got too huge an army, is too rich a financial power and too much of a political influence over the rest of the world.

It also wins far too many medals at the Olympic Games.

Plus it would put to rest that perennial argument about the 'World Series' in baseball.

The USA is the only country apart from Canada, Cuba and Japan that takes it at all seriously.

Now! If you had several new countries competing for it then it would bring back some credibility to the occasion.

Here's is my grand plan for the break up of the USA into five new and different nations.

This has been constructed in conjunction with several other far-seeing prophets and bored individuals with delusions of grandeur.

I call this project 'The Megalomania Proposal' principally because I enjoy a good read of a Robert Ludlum book.

How the west will be one

Beginning in the Old Wild West we'll have an amalgamation of California, Oregon, Washington, Nevada, Idaho, Montana and Hawaii. But because of the dominance of the coastline states we'll call this new land 'Surfia' in tribute to the Beach Boys. The alternative term 'Grungia' was considered too provincial and Seattle-centric and could lead to poor national dress. However the national instrument of Surfia will be the Flying-V electric guitar as L.A, Seattle and Frisco really can rock!!

The national anthem will be 'Good Vibrations' with full orchestral accompaniment and explosions. This will reflect the optimism and love of showbiz spectacle inherent in the western states. Superstar Arnold 'The Governator' Swarzenegger will finally be able to run for President in the new country and can be re-elected as often as he tries. Hollywood loves a good run of sequels.

This will also mean that 'Baywatch' will be screened on TV every night. A huge statue of Pamela Anderson will be carved on the hills of Silicon Valley to prove that Americans can indeed appreciate irony. This is in the tradition of Mount Rushmore but with added benefits. David Hasselhoff will be invited to become Prince Regent with a view to a kingship if he stays sober.

The Stock Exchange will be built in Las Vegas to foster a coherent business environment. Alaska will be given to the Canadians to keep things tidy

Even bigger than Texas

In the South West there was a debate about whether to make Texas a new country on its own and rename it 'Texas' but it was defeated. There was a danger that it would become known as the execution capital of the world. China and Iran would be trailing in its wake.

So! We will have Texas, Oklahoma, New Mexico and Arizona combining into the new entity of 'Sombrero'. This reflects its long neglected Hispanic heritage and much admired love of big hats. The Alamo will be but a distant memory.

National sports will be long-range tobacco spitting and gunfire. The currency will be in silver bullets with larger denominations in specially minted oil cans. The language will be a mixture of English, Spanish and Navajo. Also every household must contain a statuette of Ted Nugent and play the 'Dallas' theme tune at bedtime.

Nevertheless, Socialism will be decriminalised and Communists will be give protected status as an endangered species under threat. Houston will no longer have problems in order to reduce tired catchphrases. Male residents will also be required to grow long beards in tribute to ZZ Top.

Taste them again, for the first time

Moving back up north there will be 'Kellogia' comprised of Kansas, Wyoming, Nebraska, Montana, the two Dakota's, Minnesota, Iowa and Missouri. The name comes from the preponderance of wheat and corn plus other breakfast cereals harvested therein.

Naturally the national emblem will be the front of a cornflake packet allowing children to proudly hang it from their wall. But not until the packet is empty as momma likes a tidy kitchen.

There will be a national combine harvester race twice a year as well as an annual event for seeing things as far into the horizon as possible. The 'Flat Earth Society' will be offered free-rental headquarters in Kansas to make them feel more at home. In the northern states however subsidies will be provided to help Dakota export its snow.

Guns n' Banjoes : A new line-up

Down in the South-West we may have a difficult problem.

The combination of these states may be popular with Motorcycle gangs, flag manufacturers and banjo players.

However the African-American and perhaps even the Hispanic communities may harbour severe reservations.

This new nation will consist of Florida, Louisiana, Mississippi, the Carolinas, Tennessee, Georgia and Alabama but will not be called 'Confederacia' as some would propose. No! Our new name for this country would of course be 'Vacatio' reflecting the sunshine states and holiday trade.

Miami and New Orleans will continue to be tourists magnets. Many citizens from all five new nations of the former USA will be encouraged to visit and meet foreigners for the first and last time ever.

The flag of course will be a sunny smiley face wearing shades as it simply stands to reason. The Navy will have submarines designed in the shape of crocodiles and will shoot man-eating sharks on sight. The national drink will be water and sunscreen will be made tax-deductible.

Kentucky has not been included as I like straight lines on my borders. It's a compulsive condition. Neat and orderly.

Welcome to the machine

To complete our new nation-building programme, or nation-wrecking whichever you prefer, we have the North-Eastern states.

Reflecting its heritage as the engine of economic growth in the former USA this region will become the country of 'Industria'. Its national emblem will be the spanner and giant replicas will be built in every major city.

As a lot of the states are small and numerous there are too many to mention here without trying your patience. But obviously the main states would be New York, Pennsylvania, Michigan, Illinois, Virginia, Massachusetts and the District of Columbia.

Its capital will be the island of Nantucket because it sounds wonderfully rude. In Boston anyone without a university degree will be given one. Residents of Cleveland and Detroit with a degree will be sent to Boston.

In Chicago the Mafia will be allowed to stand in local elections as long as they wear spats and pin stripe suits. New York city will be named twice and the Lenape tribe will be offered Manhattan for a trunk of beads.

All new buildings in every city will be made of metal held together with rivets to enhance that image of heavy iron and steel as well as the monolithic factory unit. Coal will replace all other methods of heat to belch out that distinctive smoke evocative of the industrial process. Everyone in 'Industria' will be given a free car of any colour as long as it's black.

The word 'Kyoto' will be banned and punishable by walking.

.............................................

The plan is in place and the proposals have been agreed. All that needs to happen now is action and we will have 5 new nations on earth. There may be frequent wars between these fledgling nations but at least that'll leave the Arabs alone.

It may also perhaps allow the Indians to make a comeback in the power vacuum. It would certainly boost TV ratings although the 'Superbowl Final' and 'American Idol' should still dominate. The latter will have to be renamed

A new dawn is about to begin.

____________________________