Obama as Othello. A Shakespearean Parody : Act 6 Scene 2 - Celebrity Apprentice USA 2012

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Obama as Othello. A Shakespearean Parody : Act 6 Scene 2 - Celebrity Apprentice USA 2012

The scene is in an oppressive room somewhere in the massive Trump Tower. Two smartly-dressed business types sit on one side of a table.

They wait expectantly but nervously for the opening of the door on the opposite wall.

There is a strained murmur of conversation around the room but this is instantly silenced when the door is opened. Enter stage left the billionaire Donald Trump.

Trump: OK gentlemen, let's get straight down to business. It's Round 1 of the Presidential Race. We'll start with 'Team Rep' here. Mister Romney, you're the captain of this campaign. How did your team handle the task I set you last week?

Romney: It was a goddam struggle to be honest.

Trump: A struggle? Really? I only asked you to dismantle the soup kitchens and food pantries down in your good old state of Massachusetts. Get people away from free food handouts I said. You couldn't do that?

Romney: We tried, we really did, but it was a lot harder than we thought.

Trump: You're kiddin!! You're known as one of the biggest asset strippers in the corporate beeswax. Vulture Capitalism at it's best. You've taken apart bigger fish than this before. Ampad, GST Steel. Made yourself 200 million dollars for your secret overseas accounts.

Romney: But it was a completely different dynamic this time around.

Trump: How so?

Romney: Because our system of financial engineering wasn't suited to this type of operation.

Trump: You mean you couldn't get away with another 'bust-out' scam.

Romney: Well this little escapade called for some heavy-duty job creation you know. If the shiftless ne'er do wells are out of work then they're always gonna need these soup kitchens. Getting them jobs kinda took me out of my depth

Trump: But not all the shiftless ne'er do wells are unemployed are they?

Romney: No, that's true. But the problem is different with them you see. We had to try and canvass local businesses to raise their wages above the poverty level. As I said that's not exactly my cup of tea.

Trump: This is still very disappointing. Despite the different challenges of my little experiment I know you're capable of destroying major operations.

Romney: Yeah! But it was a tough one.

Trump: You wanna try tangling with the locals in Aberdeen, Scotland. I thought they loved golf over there. And the wind played havoc with my comb-over.

Romney: It just didn't work out for us this time.

Trump: So how many did you actually close?

Romney: Two.

Trump: Two? Only two? This should have been a cakewalk for you. You must be losing your ruthless streak.

Romney: I sure ain't gonna lose my money.

Trump: Right! Enough of this debacle. What about you guys on 'Team Dem'? Tell us Mr Obama. You're objective was to plan, organise and execute a re-location of business premises. Please tell me it went through smoothly.

Obama: It didn't go at all

Trump: Gimme a break! American companies move their factories all the time. Mexico is full of them. What was the problem?

Obama: Where do I start?

Trump: Well start with the size. Guantanamo Bay isn't that big a complex. Mostly wire fences and orange pyjamas. How difficult could it be to shift to the mainland?

Obama: It's not the size that matters big dude. That wouldn't be a problem. It's just all the damned bureaucracy and legalese that we have to jump through.

Trump: Like what?

Obama: Nobody can seem to decide on the best outcome. Whether a civilian trial with a jury of 12 biased Americans who'll hate their guts, a military tribunal by the Army that invaded them, rendition to a foreign prison where they've got better torture or just to let them go. And Congress keeps slamming shut the wallet to pay for any trials or a new gulag on the mainland.

Trump: You've no evidence against most of them so why not just let them go.

Obama: They might return to extremism. We want to be sure they won't become terrorists again.

Trump: So they're locked up without trial for 10 years, with water-boarding and all that jazz, occasional suicide and a gentle force-feeding. And you don't want them to get extreme? Are you crazy man?

Obama: I guess I have to be to go for this job again.

Trump: Yeah! You want to run the country again? I wouldn't put you in charge of my stationery supplies. Absolutely pathetic!

Obama: And you're just a baldy in denial.

Trump: And you're raining all kinds of sores and shames on my bare head. I don't know why you're smiling Mr Romney. Your performance wasn't much better. But as it's the least worse result then I declare you the winner of this heat. By default of course.

Romney: It's all about winning. Read 'em weep Mr O.

Trump: All I can say is, that's all gentlemen, good evening, get out and God help America.

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Act 6 Scene 3 coming soon .....