What is a Listicle? The Top 10 List of the Greatest Lists of Anything That Has Ever Been Listed

What is a Listicle? The Top 10 List of the Greatest Lists of Anything That Has Ever Been Listed

It is the 21st Century age of the 'Listicle' as they call it.

That is to say a combination of a list and an article which is a modern phenomenon of popular writing and lazy journalism.

For all the wonderfully pedantic delights of order and rectitude the listicle is a godsend for conformity and false belonging. No more randomness, no more uncertainty.

Put them in a category, then get them in order and settle back with a coffee. All is well with the universe as it all makes sense now.

Here are the Top 10 lists of all that should be listed. Unless you have your own list of lists too.

There's an idea. Why not make your own lists?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

10. The greatest collection of collectible things

Things that people recollect they would like to collect. Or indeed perhaps have collected but have not organised them into a systematic system of organisation. Images of cupboards bursting at the seams, dust-gatherers under the bed, no room in the garage for the car, tea-chests in the attic, bats in the belfry. The most 'at risk' collections after she gets that ring on your finger lads. Pre-nuptial agreements are highly recommended for the CD collection.

9. The best ever without a doubt list.

Absolutely no argument as it's a self-evident fact. Until the next 'best ever' list with a new generation who will pick this years hot and trendy cultural and entertainment phenomenon and put it right at the top as the bestest of the best. King of the castle or Queen of the scene and no one can touch me. But invariably stretches the generation gap with cries "It's not the same anymore" or "Better in the old days" comments of age and wisdom colliding with "That's pure ancient so it is Grandad" and "Stop living in the past" juvenile retorting of youth.

8. The most popular but not necessarily the best.

Simply those that have been heard of by the most and who the mass media have convinced the most that they are definitely the best. There are no quality assurance guarantees but straightforward democracy and look who they voted in. Vote for me I'm nice and I need to be loved. Where's the red carpet and I really don't mind the papparrazzi as long as I'm noticed. Drugs, violence, sex scandals and tax evasion can cause a plummet in the popularity poll or vice-versa.

7. The favourite ever choice

Chosen according to purely subjective criteria and who can argue with that. You like what you like and you know what you know. But there's no need to tell anybody else because we've all got our favourites. But they're useful as they can be distilled into sub-genres according to cultish tastes and peer-group affiliations. Clever statisticians and pollsters can even conflate the results with the previous poll above and produce a spurious 'Most popular' list to rival the others.

6. The worst ever type of lists

Can also be the most favourite or the most popular depending on who mangles the figures.

Much loved by cynics, misanthropes and mildly sadistic fiends who just like laughing at the misfortunes and failures of their fellow human beings.

A vicarious thrill for those who yearn for the fruit and vegetable frenzy of the stocks as well as slavery, Russian pogroms and The Elephant Man.

At least they had a go. Remember thus that 'Those who never fail, never tried', 'To err is human', 'If at first you don't succeed try, try, and try again'. These are just a few of the many condescending sops to ease the pain of abject disaster.

5. The funniest moments that'll make you laugh your socks off

Then after that you'll skip barefoot down the street full of joy and happiness unbound. Merry quips, witty sparkling anecdotes or stand-up and be shouted at. Classic comedy and dogs biting bottoms. All leading to healthy lachrymosity and fond memories of when Steve Martin was actually funny. The chortle-meter goes way off the scale of hilarity and the chuckle muscles are pumped with anabolic steroids. "Look at this, it's hilarious!" they beckon and you have to endure endless Youtube trawls akin to the sustained torture of holiday snaps presentation. Maybe you had to be there.

4. The most historic moments in history

The greatest things that have happened and will never happen again unless history does repeat itself. But things ain't what they used to be and no two things are alike. Earth-shattering moments that get into books and make people fight each other over which is the most historic moment. As someone once said "All history is bunk!" which is a famous quotation and one of the best quotations in history. Unfortunately a list that never made this list of lists. Will perhaps appear on a new list of 'What Might Have Been' lists.

3. The most expensive things

Which around 90-odd % percent of you will never be able to afford.

So a purely theoretical list of no value whatsoever in the popular mass market.

Think of gold, frankinsense and myrrh. Think of 10-foot paintings of doornails and liquid soap dispensers immortalised on canvas.

After all, thinking never cost anybody anything so it's non-taxable.

Imagine those huge shiny diamonds and big houses on the coast with electrified fencing and kidnap insurance. Gaze in the shop window, admire from afar and get back to work. You can only dream but wouldn't it be nice. But just what would you do if you won the lottery?

2. The most influential things, moments or people.

Those that have made other people do things they might not have thought of doing or wanted to do but were never inspired to do. One for the sheep who need to be led but as long as everyone else is joining in that's OK!. Except for the black sheep of course who can think for themselves. However, public executions, anthrax, hoola-hoops, Hitler and Justin Bieber are not permissible answers. Therefore these lists can be subject to slight manipulation. But mostly anything goes and pick whatever cult of personality, trinkets, toys or trend-setters floats your boat.

1. This list of the most famous lists.

Without doubt this list below is the best list you will find anywhere. It's almost completely comprehensive but also inclusive and totally fat-free. Not only can you vote for your favourite list but this list will be constantly updated day after day after day ad finitum unless Hubpages gets closed down or the world explodes. Make your choice now and vote as many times as you like because I don't care anymore. I need to make a new list of ways to avoid reading lists.