Job Tips for Campsite Couriers 11: The Moroccan Night Raiders

Click on the link below for Part 1 of the series.

Job Tips for Campsite Couriers 11: The Moroccan Night Raiders

More handy little tips and tricks of the trade for any aspiring Campsite Couriers.

Here we include tent-dwelling, toilet facilities and recycling of all that rubbish, especially the empties.

Unfortunately crime waves do sometimes occur and you should always be on your guard.

The simplest rule is to take the same security precautions as you would back home.

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So don't leave your valuable lying around in clear sight and remember that tent walls are not all that impenetrable believe it or not.

Tip; Remember! It's a lifestyle not a job

I remember at my Induction back home asking the trainers if we worked a set number of hours each day and at certain times. The reply I got back then was that "It's more of a lifestyle" so my immediately thought was "Christ! we'll be working all the bloody hours of the day" what with me being the cynical old scrotum that I am. It didn't evolve into anything like that of course but they were certainly right because it is more of a lifestyle than a job

You do have to rough it a little, living in a tent with no en-suite facilities meaning you have a short but bothersome walk to the toilet block nearby. However I did keep a secret piss-pot for emergencies or for bad weather or when I just couldn't be bothered going out for a pee.

If you're having a good few beers one night in your canvas-palace it tends to get a trifle repetitive when it seems you're up every 5 minutes bursting for the loo. Seriously though for female workers it can be unnerving having to walk in the dark if the toilet blocks are far away.

Tip: Paper plates are cheap and saves doing the dishes

I had long ago resolved to buy loads and loads of paper plates and plastic cutlery from the supermarket because I was fed up washing dishes. In an ideal world I'd have a microwave so the pots could go to hell in a handbasket too but the power box couldn't handle the overload I think. If you enjoy doing dishes then no problem. Each to their own.

Tip: Recycling is rubbish

The recycling routine in the campsite did my head in as strictly speaking you're meant to sort your rubbish out into 5 separate categories believe it or not. You end up with some elementary filing system for garbage that taxes even my ancient clerical skills. You have 'Verro é Lattina' which means that glass and cans can be placed together for some unknown reason.

Luckily they had three rubbish dumps around the site so I could spread my beer-can disposal without seeming like some desperate Scottish alcoholic as the cans and bottles tumble noisily into the huge bell-jar container. Best to find one that's almost full and they don't have so far to fall.

"Crash!, Bang!, Dong!",

"Oh these!" I'd say,

"Clang!, Smash!, Clunk!"

"We found them in a few of the mobiles"

"Clatter, Crack!, Thump!",

"The customers left them" I'd claim,

"Crunch!",Tinkle!, Tinkle!"

But it's hard to be a secret drinker when you startle half the campsite with the racket you make disposing of the evidence. You do tend to avoid eye contact and wander off whistling with a practiced nonchalance.

Tip: Expect the worst when you have to clean after customers

The punters were been fine with us by and large and we hadn't major problems with people. However a big bugbear was when some familes wouldn't properly clean their mobiles on departure as it put us under pressure to get them pristine clean for the next family.

Not that I've anything against the Irish you understand but I think they like to have a complete break with no work involved of any description. They treat the place like a holiday camp. When they take a vacation, they take a vacation. We had a few right messes to clear up and with no deposit scheme there was little incentive for some holidaymakers to clean up after themselves.

In another company's mobiles a crowd of Polish kids used the trashcan as a bedroom pisspot during the night and went home without emptying it. At least I had a reasonable excuse for keeping one by the bed since I had a wee walk to the outside facilities. But they couldn't even be bothered walking the few feet to their toilet on the other side of the caravan.

A Dutch crowd we entertained had left toenail clippings underneath the bed.

They could have at least chucked them out the window and maybe have speared a mosquito flying past which would have helped us out.

Other slight irritations are sticky finger marks all over the doors and windows from sweets and ice-cream.

I also found a couple of sanitary towels underneath the beds in one mobile.

In the kitchen of another I discovered some unidentified porridge-like substance covered in green mould inside an oven.

Not to mention various hairy boiled sweets under couches, toothpaste splattered over mirrors, a broken egg in the fridge and ice-cream smears on floors and walls.

It can really bring out the Basil Fawlty in you since it tries the patience so much.

Tip: Some customers are generous about leaving food.

Having said that it doesn't always pay to generalise except to say that the Irish were always great company and often left lots of food and drink behind for the couriers to scavenge. And of course many of them left the mobiles really clean and tidy for us which was a great help as well as leaving provisions for us starving couriers to gorge on.

Apart from cooking oil of course because after the first couple of weeks we had enough to last all summer. I ended up using it on my bike chain to lubricate the links and the wheels. But one guy from Northern Ireland left almost a full bottle of brandy, another the remains of a bottle of Scotch Whisky. They went down a treat. Another good trick is to go around visiting at mealtimes and say hello to your customers. You'll often be invited to join them.

The Dutch and Germans don't leave much food probably because they all drive overland unlike the Brits and Irish who usually fly over and have no room in their luggage for two gallons of virgin olive-oil or a king-size tub of liquid handwash. But our continental cousins usually leave the mobile-homes spotless, toenails aside.

In fact you end up entering in trepidation that you might make it more dirty by your mere presence. In late July the campsite quickly became Little Amsterdam overnight as lines of cars with the distinctive yellow licence plates queued up to enter the campsite.

Tip: Always take security precautions

One real disappointment about that summer on the campsite was the spate of burglaries that we suffered on two occasion. Thieves were breaking into the mobiles at night or even just reaching inside the open windows for booty as customers had left them open to keep cool.

It first happened back in April causing real consternation among folk, especially as many had young children and one of our customers surprised a burglar who was inside his mobile and who thankfully scarpered quick. The campsite staff laid on extra security and they figured they knew where the interlopers were coming in and sure enough one night they caught two of them.

They turned out to be Moroccans, and they were handed over into the gentle hands of the local Carabinieri. Either their mates were rounded up too or they disappeared out of town to avoid the law. Whatever the outcome that was the end of the crimewave, at least for a couple of months.

I was relieved at the time as I had been compelled to carry my laptop around with me almost everywhere. It was an old one and when you're tired and hot it feels like you've got a huge paving slab on your back. It gets you paranoid too like one time when an Italian kid asked me for a brochure and I nicked back behind the reception tent to the store before I realised I'd left my bag out at the front.

"He's a decoy!" I thought, "They want me out they way so they can steal my bag, there's a Fagin around here using young kids as a diversionary tactic"

I quickly jumped back round to find my bag still sitting there of course and with the Italian kid presumably impressed with the express service as I handed him a brochure.

But after the drama of the Moroccan Night Raiders we relaxed for a while and let our guard down. Downgrading from red alert to yellow to 'No worries' alert and 'It'll never happen to us' alert. Of course the inevitable happened and in July there were more break-ins again.

Apparently that summer was the first year that this had happened and the site had been opened for around twenty years. So naturally security wasn't that tight and in fact there were several weak points in the perimeter that could easily be breached. So don't trust the campsite security as it's often more for show than effectiveness. I know this for a fact as I've sneaked into a few myself.

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